Is this thing on?

Hello!  How are you?!  Us?  We're great!

Yeah.  Sorry for falling off the face of the earth.  When you have relatives tracking you down on Facebook asking if everything is okay because you haven't updated your blog in umpteen months, I think it's time to let everyone know:  OUR LIFE IS BORING AND NONEVENTFUL AND WE LOVE IT! 

Of course, boring and noneventful for us means no hospital visits for Tater.  He's still got the trach and there's a certain stress with that which never goes away, but he's healthy and that's all we've ever asked for.  He's also almost 3 and has an attitude that goes with a 16 year-old.  Lawdy, lawdy.  Help us. 

He had a sleep study and vent clinic 2 weeks ago and I got to talk extensively with his new plumonologist.  She told me bluntly that she understands the previous reluctance to move forward with Tater but she's not going to let us be in our safe zone forever.  She's ready to push him and get him rid of all his extra stuff.  Everyone previously on his case saw him at his absolute worse (I guess that's what you call almost dying from RSV?) and she's only seen healthy, strong Tater.  She says she thinks we can start weaning him off the vent while he's asleep with eventually getting rid of the trach when he's been sick a couple of times after completely weaning.  Scary and exciting at the same time.  Now if we could only get Tater to sleep without the vent at naps, which is the first step.  He's so used to it and you can tell he's scared to sleep without it.  Poor guy.  I thought it would be hard for me to get rid of the vent.  I never thought he would see it as security as well.

Tater has exploded with vocabulary and physical skills.  He's normal!  He only qualifies for articulation help in speech therapy with the school system.  He loves school and I think putting him in a normal preschool is the best thing we ever could have done for him.  He doesn't know there is anything different about him and he plays with friends, fights over toys and is happy.  I can say my little baby is a boy who has thoughts and wants and expresses those very well.  He loves to play and draw.  He's so sweet and if ever gives me a kiss, he has to give Daddy one, too because fair is fair.  He loves Lady Gaga (don't judge!) and thinks dancing around the living room is the most awesome thing.  Wait.  The most awesome thing is his big brother.  He loves Toser.  Loves when Toser asks him to play Puppy, trucks or just to run around the house.  It's wonderful they have each other. 

Toser.  My wonderful, smart, artistic Toser.  He's so cute and adorable and I want to eat him on a daily basis because he's so sweet and considerate.  And when he smiles, he literally lights up the whole room.  He ended up needing naps reinstated which solved most of the behavioral issues we were having.  Who knew?  Of course I say that and this morning was a bit emotional because he woke up waaaay too early.  But just knowing it's a sleep issue and not a Mommy issue helps me tremendously when it comes to my patience level.  It's so nice to know a good long nap is what he needs and I'm not the most ineffectual parent on the planet. 

Mr. Awesome had injured his hip after years of playing soccer.  He had outpatient surgery to repair a partially torn labrum which means we can't tease him about being old and needing a hip replacement.  He should be back to playing soccer in the fall and the angels will weep with joy because this is a man who needs exercise.  He's not exactly grumpy but I can tell he's not exactly ecstatic either.  He's been working too hard and I've been bribing his friends to kidnap him to take him out for fun.  He's still the most attentive Dad.  I have to remind myself not everyone has it a great as I do in having a husband who is so hands-on with his kids.  I tend to take it for granted. 

I'm the same, opinionated Khaki who gets stressed thinking about making plans because, "OMG.  What if Tater gets sick and I have to cancel and that would be horrible and the worst thing in the world."  I'm getting better but I still hesitate to take on any responsibility outside of our family because, I don't know.  Most people don't see this side of me but it's there and real and very monster-like in it's consuming-ness.  I give off the vibe that everything is wonderful and great and Tater is healthy and everyone expects that we're normal (and prone to run-on sentences).  The reality is until Tater gets rid of his trach, our lives are not normal and I'm going to be a commitment-phobe and tick off people with my reluctance to do things.  I'm happy, though, and isn't that what anyone ever wants?  I love my husband more than anything and I'm discovering I'm a better mom to older kids who can talk and reason rather than the younger babies I love to nibble on but just never can seem to feel confident with.  I'm at a place where everything isn't so gray all the time and I'm just not so manic in my quest to make everything seem better than it is.

Life is good.  I'm about to meet Mr. A for lunch and then I'll pick up the boys from school and we'll come home, take naps, play, eat dinner, take baths, read stories, snuggle, draw "X marks the spot" on backs and say "Night night.  I love you.  See you in the morning."  And tomorrow morning we'll start all over.  I love this life more than I ever thought possible.