Speaking of Simple Gifts

I love this kid....

Since his birthday, Toser has been asking for a rather expensive-in-my-eyes truck.  He saw it in one of those evil inserts that comes with other toys and I can't find it locally.  It was around $30 on Amazon for a couple of months; I put off getting it and the price jumped to $50 around Thanksgiving.  Although I was wincing at the idea of paying $50 for a plastic truck (!), it is the only thing he has consistently wanted for months and he's not getting that much anyway. 

My first mistake was waiting, my second mistake was letting Mr. A know the price.  He very sternly suggested we look elsewhere.  Actually, I think he said, "No way in hell are we spending that much on a toy truck for a 4 year-old," but you know, semantics.  After I exhausted all my truck leads and couldn't find it any cheaper, I lied to Toser (Mr. A made me do it) and told him they don't make that truck anymore and Santa would like to know what else he wants.  Toser took 2 seconds to think about it and promptly asked if I thought Santa could bring him a yo-yo instead.  After I wiped myself off the floor and tried to shove my proud heart back in my chest, I told him," Of course Santa can bring you a yo-yo!" 

Well, the joke's on me because guess what.  Yo-yo's are considered by most stores to be a "seasonal" item.  What season is yo-yo season, you ask.  Summer.  Why?  I have no flippin' clue.  I can order one online for $3 but I will have to pay $6 shipping (against my principles to pay more for shipping than the item costs).  I found a trick yo-yo at a local toy store but those are $14 and have special trick string or something.  I found a Yo-Yo Ball at Target and a very cheap plastic yo-yo somewhere else (and bought 2 of each because now Tater is saying Santa is bringing him a yo-yo, too).  And Mr. A doesn't understand why those won't work! 

Why?!  Because when your child asks for a yo-yo and you are determined to keep Christmas simple for him, you will kill yourself to get him the perfect, regular yo-yo he deserves, that's why!  Oh the irony.  sigh  So in addition to driving all over town in my quest, I also called many places and finally found a yo-yo I think will work. 

Tomorrow, I will go get him the Harrison Bros. embossed, wooden yo-yo.  Christmas morning, he will see the yo-yo and ask where his truck is (Wissa and Mimi got it for him; hopefully Toser won't remember or care about my lie).  I will learn my lesson the hard way and next year tell Mr. A he can have a say when he does all the shopping (or shove it.  Again, semantics).  I just keep telling myself at least all of this isn't over a hamster.

Simple Gifts

This time of year drives me crazy with the rush that begins before Thanksgiving and doesn't end until after New Year's. We try to do simple (not a lot of parties, small gifts, etc.) but during the holidays even simple can turn into extravagant before you know it.  I've been thinking about this a lot lately... No matter how hard our lives can be at times, dealing with Tater's medical issues brings and gives us so much we would have missed otherwise. We've met wonderful people, we don't take much for granted and we have no choice but to slow down and live life simply.

This is what I'm most grateful for: having to have a simple life.  We're super busy with doctors, therapy, and school but for the most part, we live pretty simply. We don't do a lot of extracurricular activities and we opt out of a lot of things because of the germ factor or because of schedule conflicts with appointments. Tater having a trach has made us change gears and spend a lot of time together as a family and we're pretty content in that regard. I know this will change as the boys get older and their interests start to broaden but right now, I'm so grateful we have the simple life. Especially this time of year when everything can get so crazy.

Break

As you can tell, I'm taking a break from the whole "I need to over-share about my life" thing/blog/therapy. We're all doing pretty well. Here are some pictures my sister, Wissa, photog extraordinaire, has taken of the boys lately to hold you over until I feel share-y again...

Mountain Mamas

Team Boo Bees at the 6th Annual Liz Hurley Run

This is what we looked like in 45 degree, rainy weather. We rocked!! We actually had a lot of fun in spite of the weather. brrr.


Have I told you how awesome my Mountain Mama friends are? They are so awesome, I'm at a loss for words (I know, it shocks me, too). Not only did they walk 3 miles in the freezing rain, they did lots of baking beforehand. Chloe's Carnival for a Cure was the same day as the Liz Hurley run. Chloe's mom asked if I would be willing to make a little something for the Cake Walk they would be having and I passed on the invitation to my MMs. Boy did they respond!

Friday night, I took 25 baked goodies to Chloe’s grandmother’s house. The MMs delivered in such a big way and I am so grateful I am a part of this wonderful group. I have never known such a giving bunch of women. They didn’t even think twice about stepping up to the plate and helping out someone they’ve never met. I love each one of these women and now you know why! I am the luckiest gal to have these people in my life. And just so you know who to thank God for in your prayers, they are: Karen, aka Kwu; Laura, aka Danica; Jenn; Jackie; Jennie, aka Ringmaster; Heather E; Katie K; Christy; aka CC, and Mandy.

Mwah! Love you, girls.

Fall(s)

Hello all, from the Pacific Northwest.  Oh wait, we're still in Alabama.  It just feels like the PNW because it's raining all the time.  ha. 

I love Fall and cooler weather but this is crazy.  I have been cold for at least a week.  It's time to pull out the winter weather clothes bins.  The bins that have stayed in the guest room all summer because we just couldn't be bothered to put them in the attic.  You have to pass the attic access to get to our room from the guest room and we have pushed them back and forth between the rooms several times for people to sleep in the guest room.  We are on top of it, y'all! 

Speaking of Fall, Tater fell last week while at the doctor's office.  And broke his nose.  Yes, a 2 year-old can break his nose.  Did you know that?  I didn't.  He now has a lovely green bruise on the bridge of his nose, going into his eyes.  It's not that noticeable in inside lighting but get him outside and it screams, "Look at me!  My parents/brother/cat beat(s) me!"  Poor guy.  He's going to be "that" kid.  You know, the one who is going to make it count when he hurts himself.  I have a small little feeling this will not be the only time he breaks his nose in his lifetime.  The circles under my eyes should be the disclaimer about this child. 

Toser had his first ever field trip cancelled today because of the rain.  He is now begging to go outside and paint on the porch.  I feel like I should to be nice.  I won't let him build a fort out of the couch cushions and he did have to miss out on something special today, but I don't feel like dealing with a wet, paint spattered 4 year-old.  Who will yell at me 5 minutes after he comes in because I don't put his towel on him the right way or because I got the wrong, dry t-shirt.  oy.  My kids are determined to run me out of this house and seek sanity, wherever it may dwell.

I feel bad, complaining about my kids all the time.  I do love them more than anything else in this world and I will kick anyone who says otherwise.  It's only that I'm around them ALL the time and they are relentless in their need.  And I still like to pretend I have a life outside of them so I get frustrated.  I keep telling myself, "Today will be different.  I won't let the whining and fighting get to me today.  I will kiss them more and yell less."  Sometimes it works.  Sometimes it doesn't.  I just pray they remember more of the fun times and not so much the times their mom was a crazy mess who needed a good kick in the pants and a reminder to cherish the little things.  What I want to remember is how much I love their hugs and snuggles and how sweet they smell when they wake up from a nap. 

P.S.  Tater is sacred to death of granddaddy longlegs and it cracks me up to no end.  If he goes outside and sees one, he hightails it (if that's not a southern expression, what is) back inside, whimpering about the "Daddy Wawegs."  Maybe it's the way he says it or the shear terror on his little face but I melt and laugh at the same time.  I think I'll stick around just to see what else they can come up with. 

October 17th

October 17th is going to be a very busy day.  In addition to being CC's birthday(!), it is the day of the Liz Hurley Ribbon Run and Chloe's Carnival for a Cure.  And with those 2 events, you have the opportunity to participate in and donate to some really great causes.

Did you know October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month?  Liz Hurley is a local news anchor and breast cancer survivor who started the Ribbon Run to create breast cancer awareness and to raise money for the purchasing of  breast cancer diagnostic equipment for the local hospitals.  Equipment which my grandmother recently used.  In a span of less than 4 weeks Grandma found a lump, was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy.  4 weeks! 

Before we even found out about Grandma, CC created a fundraising group for the Ribbon Run called The BooBees.  The BooBees are going to be walking the 5K course and we would love to have a crowd walking with us.  For more information, go to http://www.lizhurleyribbonrun.org/ or if you would like to donate to The BooBees fundraising efforts, go to http://www.lizhurleyribbonrun.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=320416&team=3556107. 

And later that same day, you can join another great cause at Chloe's Carnival.  Chloe has Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type 1 (SMA).  SMA is a motor neuron disease affecting 1 in 6000 babies.  Type 1 is the most extreme and most children with SMA Type 1 die before their 2nd birthday.  The fact that Chloe just turned 3 shows you what an amazing fighter she is and how dedicated her parents, Jenny and Joe, are. 

We actually first met Jenny and Joe in an infant CPR class when Tater was being discharged from the NICU and Chloe was beginning her SMA struggle.  We then met them again right after Tater got his trach and the PICU nurses brought our families together.  Chloe has a trach, is on a ventilator 24/7, uses much of the same equipment Tater does and shares the same home health nurse Tater has.  Jenny is the one person I know in real life who gets what I go through. 

Unfortunately in return, I do not know what Jenny goes through.  She lives each day in the absolute fullest because she knows her life with Chloe is going to be much too short.  But you will never meet a more upbeat or more positive person than Jenny.  I have never heard her complain.  She has more energy than is humanly possible and she makes sure Princess Chloe-Bug has the most fun a 3 year-old can have. 

Jenny KNOWS a cure for SMA will be found.  And she is doing her best to help find that cure and spread awareness for SMA.  She has a great network of friends and family who are helping her in her quest and they are having the Carnival in order to raise SMA awareness and to raise money for the Families of SMA (FSMA).  FSMA is accepting donations on Chloe's Carnival site:  http://www.fsma.org/index.cfm?id=4325&eventRedirect=1.

Please consider joining the fun and donating to either of these causes.  Even if you aren't able to donate, please send your thoughts and prayers to those who are dealing with these horrible diseases.  Breast cancer and SMA are taking too many lives and spreading awareness about them just may bring us closer to curing them.

Rain, Rain Go Away

It's a lazy, rainy morning here. Mr. A and Toser are running errands, Tater is watching Finding Nemo and I'm surfing to the end of the internet and back. If someone would bring me a tallnonfatnowhipmocha from Starbucks, it very possibly could be a great morning.

Of course, being the fall, Tater is brewing something. And I, in my ever infinite patience, freaked out this morning and guilted CC (the.best.friend.ever.) into leaving work and coming to listen to Tater's lungs. Not that she needed guilting, she totally would have come anyway. But I cried! On the phone! Because I am so dramatic! I fully blame the media. He's okay. Mommy gut went into overdrive when a nice 1000-2000rpm's would have worked just fine. I'll let you know if he starts oinking, though.

A recap of our week: Tater decided he LOVES school and now barely glances back when I drop him off. Toser is going to start going to school 5 days/week because he loves it that much and I need child care on Fridays when Tater has therapy. Mr. A is still really awesome and still dealing with me. I had a full social calendar this week with my wonderful Mountain Friends. All is well on the Mountain.

Take that, Worry!

Tater did wonderfully yesterday. We got to the hospital around 6am and they had Tater back to surgery by 7:30. They gave him a drug to relax him before they took him and it was hilarious. I know the nurse on Tater's case thought I had lost my mind because I was laughing so hard at how he was acting. He handled everything like the champ he is. He didn't cry once while they were doing the pre-op stuff and he was so sweet to everyone.



The surgeon told us the procedure would take up to 2 hours so when he popped his head in the door about an hour after they took Tater back, we were shocked. The surgeon admitted he was shocked, too. Turns out there wasn't as much scar tissue as he had anticipated and he was able to do what he needed to do laparoscopically. (And why didn't anyone tell me I was spelling laparoscopically wrong? That's all vulnerable and stuff, to spell a word wrong when lots of people are reading.) Tater only needed the vent for about an hour after he got back from recovery and we were home by 3pm. It went as well as it possibly could have and we are so grateful. The bonus to yesterday was seeing one of my good friends from high school who was working in the recovery room. It's always good to see old friends and yesterday it was especially nice. Thanks Janna. And thanks to Aunt Heather for getting us the hotel room for Wednesday night. It took a big load off our minds.



Tater is acting as if he never had a procedure done and is bouncing off the walls. I really don't think he's in any pain at all. I was so worried and it ended up being for naught. I love it!

Twins, Trips and Surgery

My Nieces were born last week! Kate and Elle! I'm so excited that I get to meet them in less than 12 hours. Driving to ATL this afternoon...

I would have been over there last Thursday but that was the day we loaded everyone in the van and headed to Michigan. It wasn't that bad, y'all. The boys did great because there are these new fangled DVD thingies that make them sit quietly and zone out like zombies. It's awesome how much Mr. A and I got to talk while they were rotting their brains. We did turn the movies off occasionally and make them look for different types of vehicles. You would have thought we were torturing them.

"Why can't we turn it back on? Why do I have to look for transporters?!" I told them because we are mean parents and we want them to have a taste of what it was like to have to go on road trips when we were young. I didn't tell them that we also could move around in the car and didn't have to be buckled up at all times. I figured that letting them know we could lay claim to the floorboard and stretch out to sleep would have bordered on being downright cruel.

It was great to be in Michigan again. Mr. A and I went there often when we were dating and his Aunt Judy has always had a special place in my heart. I loved being around her and the rest of the family. They treat me like I'm one of them although I speak too slowly and with too many syllables. The boys loved it, as well. They got to ride in a pontoon boat and each got to take a turn "driving." They loved playing with their older cousins and the cousins were great about including them in their games. And of course, Mr. A was in hog heaven because Aunt Judy tends to spoil him a little and make his favorite foods while we're there. She mothers him and I know he needs that link to his mom more than he gets it. We'll be going back in the near future.

Tater's surgery is next Thursday. I am freaking out a little about this. I'm always nervous before something big but this time I'm a little more nervous than usual. There are a few unknowns about the surgery, the main one being how it's going to be done. ugh. The surgeon is going to try to do it laproscopically but may run into an issue with scar tissue from Tater's previous surgeries blocking his progress. If this is the case, the surgeon will have to make an open incision to complete the surgery. We won't know until Tater is already in surgery which way it will go. Which means we don't know how long he'll be in the hospital. If the surgery is done laproscopically, then he can go home that day since we have a home vent (first bonus ever to the home vent, well other than the whole breathing is nice thing). If they have to make an open incision he'll be there through the weekend.

The not knowing is killing me. I like to think "what will be will be." but this is throwing me for a loop! I mean, really making me want to curl up in a ball in the corner. I get nauseous when I'm like this and contrary to most people, I like to eat when I'm this type of nauseous. So, in addition to being in a ball in the corner, I'm going to have wear my yoga pants all next week because none of my other pants are going to fit me. Doctors take you very seriously when you're wearing yoga pants.

Thank God my parents can take Toser for an open-ended stay. As usual, he'll come out on top with a stay at CocoPapa's house.

Prayers for peace for all of us on this one would be nice, if you will. I'm glad I'm not going to be able to think about this all weekend because I am going to be busy holding babies and not getting sleep with Tyty and JenJen. BABIES. YUMMMM!

Bumpy Socks

Toser had a morning. A morning of nothing going right and everything going wrong. He has a Thing with bumpy socks. Why oh why have we gone through this much anguish with socks? I usually either help him or tell him to put them on inside out. Nothing worked this morning and I realized I have to step out of it. I can't always fix his bumpy socks. It's a personal thing and he has to learn how to a) fix it or b) live with it. Once I told him this, he put his shoes on and dealt. Okay, what? We've been dealing with this for ever and it was that simple? Does not compute. But it does fit nicely with my theory that parenting is a crapshoot. Don't you think I should trademark that and put it on a shirt?

We had the most glorious weekend. Saturday morning we went to a community parade and got lots of candy and then we went to some of our oldest friends' Open House. Y'all, they have a story about this house. It involves a horrible builder and many years and tears. The end product is a miracle and is one of those "so simple it's gorgeous" results.

Saturday night, Mr. A and I got a real date at a real restaurant while my parents stayed with the boys. We needed a date and we had a lot of fun talking about nothing in particular.

Yesterday, we went to TN and my parents' "farm." It's so nice and peaceful there and the boys love it more than anything. We were all worn out last night and were ready for bed to say the least.

We have a busy week ahead of us. I hope the weather keeps everything pleasant and easy going. And that the bumpy socks debacle stays closed.

Who needs Mommy?

The boys did great at school last week. Toser decided the second day that he could walk himself to class (just stomp on my heart, whydontcha?). Tater woke up on Tuesday with a cough and runny nose so he didn't get to go until Thursday. And he did fine. Walked in and started playing with a truck. The director had to shoo me out because I kept sticking my head in the class. Not that I wanted him to cry but he didn't even glance back. I guess I drive my kids as crazy as they drive me because they were ready for school, too.

Toser does not have asthma but has had a sinus infection for lord knows how long (hello, Drama? This is Toser's mom. I thought we needed a little more of you in our life. I was wrong. Thanks. Bye). He was taking deep breaths because he couldn't breathe through his nose and a little wheezy because of all the gunk. I swear he hasn't been sick at all but the doc said sinuses are tricky little things and can be all clogged up with no symptoms. I guess Toser didn't realize the pressure he's been feeling in his head is something real. He's been acting possessed lately so hopefully getting rid of all that will help in the tantrum department. If it doesn't, one of us is moving out.

Mr. A is still awesome and I'm still tired. And I haven't checked phone messages in at least 3 weeks so if you called, sorry!

Random, Again

Surgery=Major Pain. Or! I'm a bigger wus than I thought I was. All good now, but the first week or so was yowzers. I will definitely have greater sympathy for Tater after his upcoming surgery.

Mr. A has really lived up to his name, taking care of me and the boys. He is definitely one in a million. I know and he knows I would not have the patience he has had if the situation were reversed and yet he still does it.

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The boys start Mother's Morning Out this week. Toser started today and is going 4 days, Tater starts tomorrow and is going 2 days. Toser did not look back when we got to his room. The difference between first day last year and today is amazing. And when I picked him up today, he had his very first tick attached to him. He's getting so big!

Tater will love school, but probably not so much tomorrow. I cannot wait, though. He really needs to be around other kids his age. We've tried to raise him to not be a "trach kid" and this is part of it. So is the sickness that will come from being in school (I'm nervous about that but am trying not to think about it-Toser will bring the germs home anyway so Tater may as well get them first hand, right? Right, CC?!). His nurse is going with him but is not going to be "around" him. The Program Director has a place set aside for her so she can be accessible but not seen. I really appreciate the school taking a chance on him. And us!

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I think Toser may have asthma. Of course, with the allergies Mr. A has passed on to both of our boys, it's no surprise, but still. At least we already have the equipment. Although, if he needs neb treatments, I'll need an IV of vodka. There is no way he'll go for sitting down and breathing the mist. We may as well pull all of his toenails off because that might be easier.

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We're driving to MI to see family Labor Day weekend. Yes, driving. Yes, we're crazy. We're also excited to be going. It's been too long since we've seen our Yankee family and had the *real* Labatt's.

Tater's surgery is in Bham on Sept 17th.

There's probably something else. I don't have my calendar in front of me. And even if I did, there's no guarantee I wrote it down. I'm organized like that.

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For the 3 of you who keep up here (I'm looking at you, RingMaster), I've updated and that's that.

Tables turned

So, it appears I'm having minor surgery tomorrow. I'm fine. Everything is fine, just one of those things that needs to be done. Toser is super excited because he gets to stay with Coco and Papa (poor Tater has no such luck, he has to stay here with Mr. A).



Last night, the bestest friends in the world, my Mountain Mamas, honored me with a party. Aren't I lucky?! We had so much fun and I stayed out too late. I love my girls and there is no way I would make it through life without their support and laughter.



Today I realized that if I did not get my house spotless, there was no way I could have any kind of procedure done. I have killed myself getting laundry and cleaning done and now am so tired, I really won't care what they do to me tomorrow. I'm kind of looking forward to sleeping in a relatively quiet room by myself and having people take care of me. Okay, it's really sad when you consider surgery and a one night hospital stay a mini-vacation.

Retirement Sounds Great

People talk about the terrible two's as if they are something horrific and gets better when the child gets older. Um, I'm still waiting. Age 4 is going to drive me insane. The crying and the whining over absolutely nothing. The falling apart when I finally raise my voice after I told him to stop doing something 5 times before that. The attitude that says, "I don't need you, I'm 4," followed by, "Mommy, I'm done on the potty, come wipe me." I'm retiring. Oh wait, that's right, I can't.

Don't tell me it gets better because I'm on to the people who say that. It's better relative to something else and they don't tell you what they're comparing it to. Nails on a chalkboard? 3-hour lecture? Hearing "Mommymommymommymommymommymommmymommymommy," should be a form of torture used on suspected terrorists. No one can withstand the relentlessness of the constant "Mmmmoooommmmyyyyy."

But when it's good, it's so good. He'll tell me he loves me to Jupiter and back. He's great with his brother when he's not teasing him. He's very conscientious and is going to save the world from errant plastic bottles. He uses words like "actually" and "frustrating" correctly. He loves to read and has been practicing tracing his alphabet all summer.

So, when the desire to put him outside with the skunks becomes overwhelming, I have to remind myself he's a pretty great kid. Nothing beats him crawling into bed with us in the morning and laughing with him while I play with his curls. And while he is currently running around in nothing but his dinosaur underwear demanding I give him something to eat RIGHT NOW, I know we'll laugh about something in a few minutes and it will be better. Until the next tantrum and then the skunks better watch out because their stinkiness has nothing on the attitude of my lovely elder child.

An Angel named A.

Another little boy is in heaven way too early. Pray for A.'s family. They knew this was coming but that doesn't make it any easier. A. was such an amazing fighter, living way longer than any of his crazy doctors said he would. And his mother is an awesome example of how to never give up hope. You'll be missed, A. Even by those who never got to meet you.

wow

It seems as if there isn't much to say if I don't have anything to complain about. ;) Tater is awesome. He's walking every where! No more scooting for this child. He is off! He's doing so well; we never could have imagined being here even a year ago. He's blessed. We're blessed. It's great.

We've had a busy summer so far without doing much at all. Leeda and her boys came for a week in the beginning of June and Mr. A and I were able to get a much needed weekend away to Atlanta for a Braves' game/our anniversary. Leeda is pretty awesome herself the way she likes to come and torture herself for our sake. 4 boys are no easy feat. I had a taste of it here and there and it isn't for the faint of heart.

We go to Birmingham on Thursday to see a new urologist and hopefully schedule a surgery he needs. We want to get all surgeries out of the way! We're having way too much fun to slow down for stupid things like surgeries and such.

We hope everyone is doing well. Toser says to tell you all that naps are for the birds and staying outside all day is the way to go!

And the World Rejoiced

Tater "Boo Boo Chicken" Stokes is walking! :
And a silly picture of Toser:

M&Ms

So, I'm wondering why my pants are tight all of a sudden. It can't have anything to do with the fact I bought a Costco size bag of Peanut M&Ms and have eaten almost the entire bag myself. The only way for me to get over this obsession with junk I've had lately is to banish all sweets to work with Mr. A and go cold turkey off all sugars. I did that back in the fall and felt great. Why is it so hard? Why can't M&Ms be good for you? Why do they make your muffin top grow out of its holder and spill all over the pan?

So, what's been up with us? The boys and I went to the beach at Fort Morgan last week and Mr. A had to stay here and work too hard (and stay at the gym until all hours and have poker night-don't feel too bad for him). My mom is at my sister's helping with The Sweet Girl and we went down to see them and some more family that joined us later in the week. The boys had so much fun playing in the sand and riding their bike around and absolutely refused to go to the beach until TyTy took them. And then they couldn't get enough of the beach.

Mother's Day was spent driving back home and the boys and I had a great picnic at a Rest Area and then Mr. A had a spotless house and a steak dinner ready for us when we pulled into the driveway (have I told you he's Awesome?).

And then on Monday, Tater and I dropped Toser off at school and came home. I've gotten a little brave lately and have begun leaving Tater in front of the TV alone while I take a shower. So that's what I did on Monday. When I got out of the shower, I heard, "Mama." That "Mama" sounded a little closer than it should have so I run out of our room to see Tater on the landing to our stairs. He has climbed the stairs a couple of times with US behind him but Monday he decided to do it ALL BY HIMSELF while I was in the shower. He was so stinking proud of himself and all smiles. I was very proud of him myself once my heart reached a normal rhythm and went back into my chest. So I will not be leaving him alone downstairs any more.

He's been doing so much lately and is now experimenting with standing without holding on to anything. He's walking while holding onto one of our hands and is so close to doing it on his own, he's just got to get over a mental block that's holding him back. One of his therapists says this is why you're supposed to learn to walk when you're 1 year-old and not 2 because at age 2, you understand pain and fear.

Toser is also doing very well and is heartbroken that his last day of school is next week. He loves Mrs. Miller and all of his friends there. But one of the boys in his class just moved with his family to our neighborhood so Toser's excited to have a buddy close by. We're planning on spending all our spare time at the pool this summer and Toser loves to be outside so he'll survive.

Except for the M&M induced weight gain, we're all well here on the Mountain. If the rain would stop for more than a day at a time, we would be down right chipper, but oh well. Hope you're all doing well, too.

Bite It, Universe!

I have heard from waaaay too many friends lately who have had really sucky things happen to them. What is up with the world? Can't anyone catch a break? You know I have issues with why people have to suffer and this is all way too much. It's hard to be grateful for your own well-being when you're grieving with so many friends. So today is Bite It, Universe! Day in our house. This is the day to stay in your PJs, watch TV and eat really bad things full of partially hydrogenated oils and high fructose corn syrup. Care to join us?

And the Swine Flu. My God. C'mon.

The thing is, we're all doing pretty well here. Other than allergies literally knocking us off our our feet, we're good. Tater's been hit really hard with allergies this season and the poor guy is miserable. Mr. A and I are having a sick-off (you know, we're both sick but God forbid one be sicker than the other-I won last night because a bad Mexican food experience gave me an edge over just a clogged up head). You know it's bad when Toser has the most pleasant attitude in the house. He's down right cheery compared to the rest of us.

We're escaping next week to see Manny, Brett and the Sweet Girl at the beach. The boys are excited and I'm glad we can get away from all the appointments and things we have every week. Mr. A has to work of course, but he could probably use a break from being Super Dad and the best husband in the world.

Oh, and did I tell you? I'm going to be an aunt, AGAIN! Times 2! JenJen and TyTy are expecting twin girls!!! Please pray JenJen continues to have a good pregnancy. Christmas is going to be so much fun. Babies galore and no one is going to have to fight over them because there will be plenty to go around. I love babies! Especially when I'm not the one sleep deprived.

Acceptance

Monday we were at the pediatrician's for Tater's 2 year well check. I usually dread filling out the developmental screening sheets because, c'mon, he's pretty delayed in most areas and it's just one more reminder.

But I wasn't bothered Monday. I asked Tater if he could put both feet together and jump, he said, "unhuh" and shook his head. We both laughed and I circled no. I asked him if he could put two words together to form a simple sentence, nope. Can he point out body parts, yep. I forget what the 4th one was but that one was no, as well. You're supposed to stop at 3 no's circled so I put the paper down.

We were still laughing and I finally realized that my child cannot be defined by developmental charts and doctors. I always tell myself that but that day was the first time I felt truly at peace about it. Acceptance is so much better than denial. He is who he is because that's who he is supposed to be. No more, no less. He is Tater and he is awesome (and also 2 with no cognitive delays-please send liquor and lots of it).

And with that acceptance comes the realization that I'll probably have to fall down this slope and drag myself up many, many times before I even begin to come close to achieving any real peace with this journey we're on. When I mentioned the doctor's appointment to some of my online trach buddies, they reminded me of this. One veteran to this crazy world said that acceptance is like soap; the harder you grasp it, the easier it can slip out of your hands.

I know, it sounds weird to have online trach buddies but I honestly don't know how I would survive if it weren't for their honest, reassuring guidance. They get "it" in a way no one else can. They know to jump for joy over the smallest things and are there to pick up the pieces on days everything becomes overwhelming. They advise me. They rejoice and cry with me. They accept me.

And this will sound very strange but those people on the trach board know what I mean when I say: I wouldn't have wished the past 2 years on myself, or anyone else for that matter, but I am grateful for every single, horrible, wonderful moment. Accepting this is the best present I can give myself and I hope I don't lose it anytime soon.

Happy Birthday Toser!!

Today, my baby is 4. Please, God, let 4 be easier than 3.

Toser is SOOOOO EXCITED today is an extension of the whirlwind that has been at our house this last week. He's crazy with giddiness over the TOYS! and the SUGAR! and the birthday crown Mrs. Miller made for him at school! He was overjoyed to be taking miniature Krispy Kreme chocolate-glazed-sprinkle doughnuts to school today and when he got in the van at pick-up he told me, "Mommy, everyone really enjoyed the doughnuts." Um, I thought he was turning 4, not 12. What 4 year-old talks like that? Oh, yeah, that would be the kid who didn't want to blow out the candles on his cake but use a candle snuffer instead.

He loves to read books. He takes after me in that regard and has most of his books memorized. We're not talking just a few books. We have very many books because when one of your mom's best friends works for Scholastic, you get lots and lots of books just because. It's a perfect setup. And woe be unto the person who skips a page, condenses a story or says a word wrong. He knows.

He has the biggest heart and big hearts break often and messily. He will do absolutely ANYTHING for his brother. Toser loves Tater so much and if Tater is in any way upset, Toser will do what he can to calm him down. Tater's getting to where he can be a bit of a little brother pest but Toser usually takes it in stride. Tater will hit Toser for no reason other than for attention and Toser will get a confused look on his face before he screams about it. He just doesn't understand how Tater can do that. I tell him he needs to figure out a way to handle it but it's just not in his nature to hit Tater back.

He's my best bud. Often times it's just the 2 of us running errands after school or working on dinner before Mr. A gets home and I love this time with him. Although he drives me insane with the 20,000 questions, I love how he's so interested in how things work and what the purpose of everything is. He's a smart little boy and pretty quick on the uptake. There is little you can get away with in front of him. He can smell out a cookie at 20 feet and loves, loves, loves sweets so there is no hiding any kind of goody in our house.

In addition to looking just like me, he's got my temperament. The things that drive me the craziest about him are mostly things that I don't like in myself. He's super sensitive and can lose his mind over the simplest things. But he also has some of my good qualities and he gets so happy over the smallest things, like staying in his PJ's all day and snuggling under the covers. I hope I can channel his sensitivity into a good thing and keep him happy with the small things. He's such a good kid despite the typical temper tantrums and craziness.

I love you, Bud. You are the best big brother in the world and you deserve all the good that comes your way. You are such a blessing to me and I'm so very glad you're mine.

Wow Wow Wow!

Allow me to introduce you to Wubbzy:
(I can't turn Wubbzy around for some reason... you can see him in his full glory, along with more birthday pics, in the boys' online birthday album)

We had the big blowout on Saturday with family and friends. I was a little stressed about the cake but did bits of it here and there and it ended up not being the big ordeal I thought it would be. I learned about coloring candy and food and how there is a difference and that drawing with icing isn't as daunting as I imagined it to be. And how I should have done it sooner so I could have looked at it longer. It was very hard to cut that thing.

So, the boys. They had some fun. They got waaaaay too many presents (for which we're all very grateful-Mr A. especially loves the Matchbox cars) and Toser consumed waaaay too much sugar. We borrowed a bouncy house from the Bird family and everyone had a blast jumping/laying in it (including TyTy who made the drive over with JenJen just for the party-thanks guys!). It was as birthdays should be.

Toser went between sheer excitement to overload several times and he kept saying, "This is my special day." Whenever we asked Tater if he was having fun, he would shake his head and say, "Yeah, huh." And that kid has discovered the fun of presents. He loved opening them and didn't want his friends touching the paper. It was HIS party and those were HIS presents. Toser kept wanting to play with what he had just opened so we kept having to remind him he had more to open. I loved watching them. They were so happy.

We're looking forward to Toser's birthday tomorrow. Just one more present from us, dinner with Coco and Papa and we're done with the birthday week. Whew. (It's going to be like this every year?! help.)

Happy Birthday Tater!

My baby is 2. And he's growing so much. He's a tall boy and every time he's standing I can't believe how big he is. He's doing amazingly well in therapy and is walking with less and less support every week. He has an amazing spirit and is a trooper.

His current loves are Wow Wow Wubbzy (Wubbzy Wubbzy Wow Wow), SpongeBob, anything with an engine and wheels, and antagonizing his older brother. He's saying a few more words and repeats the inflection of almost anything we say. He's starting to do cute little things like hitting his hand on purpose and then saying, "Ow! Ow! Ow!" and putting his hand next to his mouth and saying some one's name when he wants attention (Daddy, Bo, SpongeBob, MeowMeow). He says, "Mama," at least 1000 times a day and when I respond, he either acts like he was just checking in or quickly comes up with something to show me. He can spot a basketball goal almost anywhere- on TV they're every where and in the car, he says, "baball" and you know you've just passed one.

He loves his Sleepy Dog and has to have it with him at all times. Yesterday we went to WalMart and I told him he had to leave Sleepy Dog in the car. He kissed Sleepy Dog and wanted me to put him in Toser's seat. Sleepy Dog is present at meal times and when watching the TV. Don't ever touch Sleepy Dog's ears or tag because they're probably wet with spit. And about tags; Tater is an equal opportunity tag licker/stroker. If he finds a tag (on a cushion, on a blanket, in his pants), he'll zone out and start smacking/clicking his tongue and/or licking the tag. We don't have see him to know he's found a tag because you can hear the sound. If we call him out on it, he acts embarrassed and laughs. We call him Tag Boy and he nods his head.

This kid has taught me more about living in the last 2 years than I ever knew in the 29 years before I had him. He frustrates me beyond belief with his stubbornness. He makes me appreciate all the little things in life. He's taught me to be a little less judgmental and he's taught me to fight for what I believe in. I don't know what else is in store for this little Medical Mystery I have as a second child, but you better believe he's going to inspire everyone he encounters along the way. I love you Tater. You've completed our family and my heart.

Funkorama

I did not get enough sleep last night and everything little thing is getting on my nerves today. There is a bird outside doing this annoying, constant, one chirp, squeak thingy: squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak. There are 2 little boys inside who are in a funk as well and are saying Mommy/Mama over and over and over and over. There is a nurse inside who likes to make comments on the obvious. I am having all kinds of fun in a funk. Y'all come on over and join the party!

We're heading to Kentucky in a couple of weeks to get a second/family opinion on Nate's urology issues. In addition to being married to Mr. A's very sweet cousin, the doctor we're seeing is also a specialist in this type thing so I know we'll get very good answers to questions and concerns we have. It's nice to have nice, smart people related to you in some fashion. It's especially helpful when you have a daunting surgery hanging over your son's head and need someone to tell it to you straight. We'll only be there one night but we hope to see Mr. A's cousin's family for dinner. (J-, the first thing I thought of in trying to think of a nickname for you is the name of the fan company in Lexington because that has always cracked me up. And while that is a funny name, it's most definitely not true and also not very fitting for a blog name in regards to you, so I'm still thinking.)

Toser is very excited about the upcoming Wow Wow Wubbzy combo birthday party. He's been practicing with Tater on blowing out candles and is lamenting the number of days between now and then. Tater agrees that SOMETHING cool is going on and all but is still not quite sure what the fuss is all about.

A cat seems to have adopted us. Her owner/our elderly neighbor passed away last week and the funeral was in another state. I guess the family forgot about the kitty so we've been feeding it and you know what happens when you feed a kitty-they become yours. Her name is MeowMeow (as named by Toser) and she is picking up where our old cat left off; trying to sneak into the house of very allergic Mr. A, entertaining the boys through the window and catching chipmunks. She's very sweet and I hate she has to stay outside but I guess it's better than the alternatives.

So, um, this was a very disjointed and blah post and I don't know how to conclude it. How about some pictures (Toser at Lulu's in Gulf Shores, his most favorite restaurant in the whole world and Tater with green Fun-dip lips in Speech Therapy):

For the Ringmaster

A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and says “Give me a beer and one for the road.”

Not much to update. The boys are loving this weather and Toser has strict instructions to strip his clothes off and wait for me on the rug before coming into the house. He has a new sandbox, courtesy of Papa, and loves playing there and in the wet-weather creek behind the house. He's been covered in mud and sand for the last 2 weeks. Even if it's raining he wants to be outside and Tater isn't too far behind him (with the nurse, of course). Tater loves being outside as much as his brother does. Tater loves being outside so much, he has had the opportunity to fall off the front porch twice in the last week. He's smart but not a fast learner, that one. Last night when it happened Toser said, "Someone should be watching him." Thanks, Bud. I didn't know that.

I love the weather because I don't feel the guilt that comes with being cooped up inside and the inevitable TV watching that always sneaks into 2-3 hours before I realize it. And how it's possible to go for walks after dinner. We live in a pretty awesome area and we can't get enough of it. If it weren't for the Disc Golf course that has recently been installed in the State Park area next to our property, we would be in heaven. Mr. A has a few choice words about Disc Golf and the people who play it (but not about you, if you play it-he loves you). It's funny for me to watch him get all worked up about it because it's always me who gets worked up and for him to get all flustered about something so crazy is great.

Hope you're all enjoying the weather, too. Get out and play! Just don't play Disc Golf at the State Park because you may get a crazy homeowner standing on his back deck watching you.

I know, I know

I have 3 posts back-to-back that are nothing but rants and then I leave you cold. I just haven't been fired up about much lately. ;) I mean, why are people being all nice and reasonable? Don't they know I have a blog to write?

Tater had a sleep study last week and they think he's doing pretty well. The doc changed some of his vent settings and changed his trach to a longer, smaller one but those are all linear changes, not better, not worse. Tater's just hanging in there and doing his thing.

And the best news! Manny had her baby!! My beautiful niece, Kendall Claire, aka SweetCheeks, was born on the 27th and is sooo cute (I still have to upload the pics, but take my word for it, she's adorable). Toser and I went down to see her that weekend and I did not want to give her back to her exhausted mom and dad. They're still in the sleeplessness funk that comes with having a newborn but I think they're doing well. Manny got a cold and sounds pitiful, but at least she doesn't sound hysterical like I did when we brought Toser home. I remember that feeling all too well. ugh. Not that the almost-4-years-old-and-won't-take-a-nap stage is that much better, but at least I'm getting uninterrupted sleep at night.

The boys birthdays are coming up. Toser deserves a blow-out because Tater has kind of sabotaged the last 2. When Toser turned 2, Tater was 6 days old and we had no clue what was happenning so the birthday party was a family friend bringing a cake and 4 of us watching Toser blow out the candles before Mr. A and I rushed back to the hospital. When Toser turned 3, Tater was still in Birmingham and the birthday party was literally eating cupcakes on the floor of the hospital room. You better believe Toser remembers that one. He's always asking if I remember Manny bringing cupcakes to the hospital and how we ate there. Breaks my heart every stinkin' time.

I'm not one to throw huge kids' parties, but I am making sure the family party will be fun for both boys and I will be making this cake. Yes, it will be a joint party. No, they don't care. No, I wouldn't care if they did care. No, they don't need presents. Yes, I'm THAT mother. Yes, they still love me anyway.

WhooDoggies. It IS ON!

Okay, here we go. Again. Khaki is fired up about something and you can all ignore her. Um, ignore me. I've been on Facebook too much.

There is a BBC show that dared to hire [gasp] a woman missing a part of her arm to host a children's show. Can you believe it?! Can you believe that they think it is important enough to expose children to all kinds of different-looking people? Can you believe they think it may be a good idea to start this kind of enlightenment at an early age?! Sarcasm over... Can you believe there are parents writing into the show saying they're afraid the host will "frighten the children?"

I cannot express enough how this sickens me. Or how stupid the British press is for referring to this woman as "one armed." She very obviously has both of her arms, it's just that one of those arms doesn't have a hand. It would be more appropriate to say this woman is lacking one of her hands.

Why are they concerned with this? They being the press, the parents, whomever. I've never seen this show. It may very well be the worst children's show ever. But to degrade it because the host only has one hand?! Let's go after those really bad children's' shows like Lazy Town and Yo! Gabba! Gabba! Those shows are horrid in that they are just dumb. Those shows should be raising the parental ire, not a show trying to expose children to different abilities.

I tell you what. Let these people who are afraid a woman with one hand will frighten children come to my house. I'll let them see my child hooked up to wires and tubes and with a stupid HOLE IN HIS NECK. And Tater looks normal compared to many other children who are depedent on medical technology to keep them alive. My God. People can be so stupid.

Passive Logistics

Apparently, I need a life...

We live next to a State Park on a Mountain (1600ft is considered a Mountain in Alabama), as in the State Park is less than 100 feet from our back deck. We love it here. Will not ever move if we have anything to do with it. LOVE IT!

There used to be 2 roads to get to the park but now there's only one because the other is eroding into the mountainside and a lot of people have very heated opinions about whether that road should be reopened or not. I have no huge opinion about reopening the road because I can see pros and cons to both sides (yes, I see how a lack of opinion on my part is surprising to you). Today, though, I hate that there's only one road because they're doing drainage work on that road and State Park traffic is being rerouted down our street for 30 days.

These people (let's call them lowlanders) are not good drivers. They're too fast, they drive stinky cars and they are making my quiet little street not-so-quiet. You know I was on the phone first thing this morning. My reputation must have preceded me because I was transferred and put on hold and finally got someone's voicemail. Mr. A called and was put straight through to the appropriate person.

I don't know what we're trying to accomplish but we don't like the idea of all this fast traffic and our little boys who like to ride their tricycles on walks. If they can't put in temporary speed bumps to slow these people down, I have a plan: I'm parking our old car that we've been needing to sell in the street. People will have to slow down to go around the car and if someone happens to hit it, they get to buy it from us, 2 birds with one stone and all that jazz! I'm such a good problem solver! I think I'll hire myself out as a Passive Logistics Consultant. If you don't want to directly handle an issue you have, I can come up with the most convoluted plan and maybe you'll get extra benefits. Call me.

Nothing for Free (or The "What Else is New, Please Get a New Bone, Woman" Rant)

I have discovered that the price for receiving government services, federal, state, local, paid, free or otherwise, is the sanity of those who must deal with the government agency providing those services. My God. The paperwork. The details. The hoops. The flame-breathing dragons. They will zap your energy and kill your soul. And that's just been this morning. Y'all it has been a MORNING.

And funnily, not even related to this morning: Yesterday, we got a fancy, glossy flyer saying I should call and thank my Congressman who "fought to provide 11 million children with health care coverage through the Children's Health Insurance Program (CHIP)." Each state runs its own CHIP. As it does its own Medicaid Program. Do I need to tell you how Alabama has messed up Medicaid? It has taken Tater a year to get Medicaid through Alabama's Elderly and Disabled Waiver program and he is considered to be a technology dependent child. Can you imagine how hard it will be for a normal child to get insurance?! From Alabama's CHIP, All Kids', website: "Eligibility for ALL Kids is determined, in part, by family size and income." Okay, THAT tells me a lot.

Do you think I am calling my Congressman to thank him for this program? Hell no. I am writing him a lengthy letter thanking him for helping out a lot of children, sure, but also telling him about the number of small, middle class families who are either left out of such programs or made to jump through such hoops to get them that it would be easier to just outright lose their jobs so they qualify for Medicaid based on income. I swear it shouldn’t be this hard to get health coverage for our children. I say this again and again and I know I’m a broken record, but! I have a college degree, I have taken graduate business classes in a fairly difficult program, I am considered to be well read and quick on the uptake, and if I am having a hard time dealing with this crap, then how in the world is someone less fortunate than I am going to be able to it deal with it?!

Tater now has real Medicaid (as opposed to loophole Medicaid) as secondary insurance to his private insurance, on which he is quickly approaching the lifetime cap for benefits. If Tater continues to do as well as he has been and is able to get rid of his trach, he could lose Medicaid because he no longer qualifies based on medical necessity. What happens then? I don’t know many families who can afford to pay outright for medical insurance. We’re already cutting out many of our humble luxuries to make ends meet now. We save and we don’t live extravagantly. We pay our taxes and we’re good people. And yet. Our wonderful, booger of a son may very well be left without medical insurance if current policies aren’t changed. I’m still trying to figure out what my role will be in making sure this doesn’t happen to him or the many other children in his place. You can bet there will be a fight. And that I'm taking freshman comp over so I stop writing in run-on sentences.

One less piece of equipment

It's a big one and we actually still have to have it around at all times but at least Tater doesn't have to be hooked up to it....

Tater has been cleared to stay off the vent during waking hours! He only has to use the vent when he's asleep or sick! WOOHOO!!!! YIPPEEE!! He had Vent Clinc last week and the doc said Tater was doing so well, to go for it. And he switched Tater to an inhaled steroid instead of the steroid we were giving him through a nebulizer and bedtime is super easy and quick, well easier and quicker than it was. Everyone was pleasantly surprised at how big he's gotten and this is the first doctor's visit ever where his weight wasn't a concern and his feeds weren't changed. The kid who was labeled "failure to thrive" when he was an infant is now taller than 90% of boys his age and weighs more than 50% of kids his age. The child is big. He's actually taller than Toser was at this age-weighs a bit less, but he's taller. We thought Toser was huge. We grow 'em big here on the Mountain.

Never have we left an appointment feeling hopeful and giddy. We are definitely feeling guardedly hopeful. I just can't let that little bit of guard down but at least there's hope attached to it now.

Tater Crawling!!

He's trying!

And please excuse the lack of clothing on the Toser. He's currently on sabbatical from wearing garments other than undies.

Crawling

Tater is crawling! At 22 months, the child decided to crawl. All by himself. We had moved on to working on walking so weren't focusing much on him being in the "quad position," or hands and knees. Two weeks ago he started getting on all fours and rocking back and forth. Last week decided to coordinate arms and legs and go! Of course he won't do it when I try to record him. It's a very slow, determined crawl and he doesn't make it very far when he does go but this is a great milestone for him. We never expected him to crawl because the tone in his arms is so low. His legs are a little better off so the doctors were always more optimistic about walking and said crawling could be skipped. Tater decided otherwise.

Tater's underlying condition, the one that is caused by some unknown disorder and is the cause for many of his other, secondary issues, is low muscle tone, or hypotonia. He has all of muscles and can use them normally, but for whatever reason, there is a disconnect between his brain signals and those muscles. A normal muscle will retract when an outside force (gravity, another person) pulls against it. Tater's muscles don't retract immediately, if at all. He's very floppy. He looks like any other kid but if you hold him, you can tell he's not right. It's kind of like the opposite of someone having very toned arms. If they're toned, arm muscles are always engaged even if they're not doing an activity. Tater's muscles are hardly ever engaged. He's gotten stronger these last few months but strength doesn't matter much when the muscles aren't working properly in the first place.

All that to say any milestone like crawling is more than HUGE. I'm very proud of the little booger. The little booger who is constantly getting in trouble for hitting Toser. I guess you can't get one normal without getting them all.

And about the vague surgery coming up. We'll schedule that in April and it will probably happen in May so we have time to prepare. I'm grateful his doctor was willing to wait until RSV and flu season are over to do the surgery.

In addition to the crawling, we're all doing well here. Sicknesses are abating and we seem to be in a somewhat normal place. Of course, now that I said that, some ball is going to drop. We'll just enjoy life until it does.

Full Disclosure

Lest ye think I have made it through the last 2 years mentally unscathed, I need to share something that happened last week. But first, let me ask again for your prayers and thoughts for little Tater. He has an upcoming surgery that I won't be talking much about because it may be a personal thing for him later in life and although I AM all about full disclosure for myself, my kids may not like it so much. The surgery may turn into a couple of surgeries and if those are not successful, the outcome could make life harder for him later on. I know. I'm being vague. Again, it's personal and kind of serious. But-I think vague prayers and thoughts work just as well as specific ones, thank you very much.

So, on to me. When I told my friend, Danica, this story, she was crying and laughing and said she didn't know if it was because she thought it was hilarious or because she felt bad for me and glad it didn't happen to her...

Tater fills up his own personal landfill on a weekly basis. His supplies are all pretty much made for one use and then we throw them away. Our trash bin is always full. Last Monday, we were getting back from an appointment when the automated truck came. The streets in our area are kind of weird so the trash truck passes our house 2 times to get to other houses before it picks ours up. As I was getting the boys out of the van, the truck tried to make its first pass but couldn't because of some City trucks that were taking care of trees in a neighbor's yard. It came back from the other way and couldn't get by again so when I realized they were going to skip our trash bin, I yelled, "Hey! Get my trash," but the truck kept going. The tree men kind of looked at me strangely so I looked at the closest one and asked, "Are YOU taking care of my trash since YOUR truck was blocking my bin?!" He kind of mumbled something about being sorry and ran away. I was steamed. So, I call the City Sanitation Department but of course the line was busy and after 12 attempts I get through and tell the nice lady that the trash truck SKIPPED MY HOUSE and she needed to page them to come back to get the bin since it was now clear to do so. She told me it was City policy to not double back because that messed with schedules and I told her that having a full trash can for another week was not acceptable. She took my info and said she would pass it on to a supervisor. I went outside to pull the bin back in and the tree man came over and said the truck should come back and I relayed to him the conversation with the Sanitation Lady. About 30 minutes later, the debris truck that has 2 men on the back went by the house so I ran outside and flagged it down. The men on the back looked a little scared so they signaled for the driver to handle me. I told him he needed to get my trash since the other truck didn't and he said he couldn't because of policy. I told him my policy is to not have a full trash can for ANOTHER WEEK. He, too, ran away from me mumbling something over his shoulder. The tree men pretended they didn't see me. I was more than steamed at this point and called Mr. A who was all, "You may be overreacting, I can take our trash to a dumpster tonight," and I was all, "We PAY for this service. They SHOULD GET OUR TRASH!!!" and HE was all, "My wife is crazy, thank God I work away from home." About 3 hours later when I had finally calmed down and realized I may have overreacted a little, I look out the window and see a City pick-up truck. It was the City Supervisor from the tree work getting the trash out of our green bin with his hands and putting it into a black bag so he could take it away. I may have died a little from embarrassment and I know I should have gone to thank him but I couldn't so I called the Sanitation Lady to thank her but she didn't know what I was talking about. The next day, Mr. A said he saw the man from the pick-up truck in front of the house and I was all haha, you're funny. I was outside later and sure enough, the man who PICKED MY TRASH out of my bin WITH HIS HANDS was in the neighbor's yard. The mature thing would have been to go to him and thank him for taking care of an absurd situation so I ducked behind the van.

And there you go. I'm very passive about things I need to handle with the nurse, I let insurance things go and just assume doctors are very busy and their staff overwhelmed so I let long waits roll off my back. But God forbid the trash truck skip my house because then I will lose it and let the whole world know about it. I think this may have something to do with transference and needing to be on medication but at least they'll never skip our house again on trash day!

Timeline of a Crazy Woman

Wednesday: Toser is unusually cooperative about me trying on jeans. I think he's tired and feel only a little bad for dragging him to the mall after school because I am pumped to find $12 jeans that fit. When I'm putting him down for a nap later, I realize he feels pretty warm. After he wakes up, I take his temperature, see 104.5 on the thermometer and freak the freak out. Thank God Unca Scott is a doctor and he and Wissa calm me down. Toser is very pitiful and I accommodate his every request.

Thursday: Toser wakes up in the early morning and his temp is 103. I give him more Motrin and climb into bed with him. (Note to self: Toser's bed (futon really) is very uncomfortable. Avoid sleeping there ever again.) Fever spikes to 104 again when he wakes up for good. Toser is very lethargic and pitiful. He only feels like laying on the couch and wants me to lay with him. I do and stroke his back and hair, feeling very sorry for him. We watch TV all day. Thank God for Noggin. Tater has been sent to the play room with the nurse and then Mr. A to avoid the cooties.

Friday: Toser wakes up in the very early morning because he didn't eat anything on Thursday night. It is extremely cold in the kitchen so I just grab a doughnut and let Toser eat it in bed. We usually don't have doughnuts so I'm very grateful Mr. A had a moment of weakness at the store on Thursday. Toser "lets" me go back to my own bed and when he wakes up for good, still has a temp of 103. Call the doctor, get appointment, put Toser on the couch and really miss hanging out with Tater. I haven't done anything with him but kiss the back of his head since I've been cuddling with the sick boy. I feel my brain ooze out of my ears as I watch yet another episode of Blue's Clues. Take Toser to the doctor where they torture him by taking throat and nose cultures and then prick his finger for blood work. Seriously think the doctor's office should employ a sumo wrestler to hold down febrile 3 year-olds who have not lost any strength although they haven't eaten much in 2 days. Am sweating and swearing by the time the doctor tells me it's "only a virus" and it could last until Monday.

Saturday: Fever down. Toser feeling better. I, on the other hand, have gotten what he has and feel like I should stay in bed. Alas....
Me: Toser! If you do not get back on the couch I swear I will throttle you.
5 minutes later: Toser! Get back on that couch.
2 minutes after that: Toser! STOP RUNNING AROUND THE LIVING ROOM!
4:00 pm when Mr. A reluctantly leaves for his guys' night only after I have assured him again and again we will be fine without him: sob, sob, gnashing of teeth
4:02-6:00pm: TOSER!!!!!
6:30: Find Toser asleep on the couch and feel very bad for him again.
6:45-7:45: TOSER!!!
8:00: Seriously consider becoming The Wife Who Ruins Trade Deadline (aka The Most Important Night of the Year in Mr. A's Fantasy Basketball League) by calling Mr. A to come home.
8:05: Overcome insanity in time to yell at Toser to stop fooling around already and get in bed. He has already lost book privileges and is this close to getting more of the wrath of Mom.
8:10: Discover the prison tats and graffiti -see below- Toser has decided will be his last acts in this life. I let him live when he looks at me and in the most pitiful voice asks for some Tylenol.
8:30: Tater is in bed, Toser is asleep and I have fumigated the house with Lysol and Clorox wipes. I am done.

These tattoos tell the story of how my mom lost it. The graffiti tells my family I love them in case I don't make it through the night.

Threes with Update

We are beginning day 3 of the three year-old running a 103-104 degree fever. It was 3 degrees outside our house at 3:00am this morning. If Toser's doctor's appointment was at 3 instead of 4 this afternoon, I might begin to think something is up. hmm?

It is seriously cold here. I know it's much, much colder in other places but this is Alabama, for goodness's sake! And not only is it currently 10 degrees outside now, inside it's not warmer than 60 degrees and both of the heat pumps have been running wide open for the last 2 days. Usually it would be okay and the extra 10 layers we're wearing would be fine but I have a kid on his death bed (not really but the way he is whining I should be preparing. OMG I cannot take Noggin cartoons anymore!). One of our toilets is frozen and our wood is damp so I cannot keep a fire going in the living room wood stove. It doesn't sound like I'm complaining, does it?

But it's not all bad. We're quite lucky in spite of MY whining. Tater seems to be doing okay and Mr. Awesome will be able to get away for some much needed guy time this weekend. I'll be going to see Manny and Brett in South Alabama next weekend. Toser isn't really dying although I may have a justifiable homicide defense after 3 days of Lazy Town. See? It's the little things that keep me happy around here and we really are lucky. I'll have to keep reminding myself of that today and stop the %$#@ whining already.

Update: How in the Hayull do they know?! Toser's appointment is in 30 minutes and he no longer has a fever. After waking up this morning at 103?! I'm still taking him in, if only to punish him for making me watch Noggin for 3 days.

Update 2: Just a virus. His fever went back up by the time we got to the office and the doc said it may stay around until Monday. I would ask for someone to bring me alcohol if I didn't think that I am now getting what he has.

On the Days I Am Lucky, I Am Silent

VII
by Wendell Berry, "A Timbered Choir"

I would not have been a poet
except that I have been in love
alive in this mortal world,
or an essayist except that I
have been bewildered and afraid,
or a storyteller had I not heard
stories passing to me through the air,
or a writer at all except
I have been wakeful at night
and words have come to me
out of their deep caves
needing to be remembered.
But on the days I am lucky
or blessed, I am silent.
I go into the one body
that two make in making marriage
that for all our trying, all
our deaf-and-dumb of speech,
has no tongue. Or I give myself
to gravity, light, and air
and am carried back
to solitary work in fields
and woods, where my hands
rest upon a world unnamed,
complete, unanswerable, and final
as our daily bread and meat.
The way of love leads all ways
to life beyond words, silent
and secret. To serve that triumph
I have done all the rest.

"VII" from the poem "1994" by Wendell Berry, from A Timbered Choir: The Sabbath Poems 1979–1997. © Counterpoint, 1998.

New Year: Same Attitude

It just never ends around here. All is good but I am running around in circles on the same stuff all the time. A constant battle with insurance/Medicaid on prescriptions and who covers what procedure, doctors' appointments, upcoming procedures, battles with Tater's medical equipment supplier, and blah blah blah. I know you're tired of hearing about it, I'm tired of myself talking about it. So, although I am OVERWHELMED with the STUFF right now, let's talk about my boys.

They're prepared for cold weather:

Their mom took exactly 5 pictures and 1 video Christmas morning. Oops!

They drive their mom to sing karoake and embarrass herself:

They're getting so big (pictures from May and December):