I have this friend who has a 4 year-old son. "She" really doesn't understand what's wrong with "her" son. The son has a good life, has all of his basic needs met, has most of his wants met, and he still is very unhappy and hates the world. Or so it seems to "my friend."
Okay, so it's me. I just don't understand. What am I doing wrong? It's like a day in a manic depressive's life.
Toser: LIFE IS WONDERFUL, I will stay in my PJs all day!
Me: No, son, today is a school day. You need to get dressed and eat breakfast.
Toser: {literally falling on the floor} I don't want to go to school!! I don't like school! I want to stay home!
If I say, "sure, let's stay home today and stay in our PJs," inevitably around 10:00 I tell him to turn the TV off, he gets bored and starts crying because he wants to go to school. If I force him to go to school, which he loves and does really well in, I feel bad because school isn't mandatory and is very much a luxury for me.
Anything is liable to turn into a meltdown. His gloves don't fit right, his carrots are touching his meat, he wanted to turn the lights off but Tater did. I've tried showing him compassion and understanding, I've tried sending him to his room, I've tried taking away privileges, I've tried ignoring him. It simply doesn't matter. Meltdowns are an inevitable part of our day and I'm exhausted. I'm tired of walking on eggshells around a 4 year-old. I'm tired of making excuses for him. I'm tired of thinking my standards and expectations are too high. Is it too much to ask of a 4 year-old to not yell at his brother, his mother, his father, his brother's nurse? To pick up his toys? To do something the second or third time I ask/tell him to do it?
The only good thing about this is he only does it at home. His teacher acts surprised when I ask if he has any behavior issues at school and jokes that Toser's behavior at home is Toser's special gift to me. But this special gift is neither needed nor asked for and I want to give it back. I used to think I had good instincts when it came to raising my children and now I'm not so sure.
He can be such a sweet boy. He's by no means spoiled OR deprived. I honestly don't think Tater's health issues have anything to do with it because he's the healthiest he's ever been. What is wrong with my smart little Toser? Why is he having such a hard time? And if he's having a hard time now, what in the world will he be like when he's a teenager?
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
5 Bites!!!!!
Christmas was great. The boys had a blast and we spent all of Christmas weekend at my parents' house with my sisters and brother and their families. 18 people slept there on Saturday night and it was wonderful. And crazy. Then there was our annual New Year’s Eve Open House which had a record attendance. I pride myself on having enough food and I ran out of things this year. I make a lot of food so there must have been a lot of people here. That and we still have bags of trash in the garage so I think we can say it was a blowout.
All of the events of the past weeks meant that we neglected working with Tater on his feeding therapy. He’s been doing great in therapy with feeding himself bites and not gagging or reacting too badly so I was worried our little break would set him back. Last night was the first time in a while we attempted anything related to food going into Tater’s mouth and…
I willa shout it from da rooftops, "TATER TOOK 5 BITES!!!!"
Of vanilla pudding and he fed himself! Whatever he does at therapy doesn’t always come home with him. He did steps at therapy weeks before he would try it at home. He’s been taking bites without gagging for ages and he’s been feeding himself pudding for a couple of weeks there as well. But for whatever reason, at home he’s been very reluctant to do anything with soft textures in his mouth.
So when we sat down last night to do it, I was prepared for one of us to end up crying (usually it’s both of us-him because he’s miserable and me because I feel sooo bad for forcing him to do something he very obviously hates). And he just did it. We made a game out of it and he just did it. No tears, very happy, like nothing was ever wrong with eating.
It’s 5 bites and we still have a long road ahead of us, but 5 BITES!!! I am so dang happy.
All of the events of the past weeks meant that we neglected working with Tater on his feeding therapy. He’s been doing great in therapy with feeding himself bites and not gagging or reacting too badly so I was worried our little break would set him back. Last night was the first time in a while we attempted anything related to food going into Tater’s mouth and…
I willa shout it from da rooftops, "TATER TOOK 5 BITES!!!!"
Of vanilla pudding and he fed himself! Whatever he does at therapy doesn’t always come home with him. He did steps at therapy weeks before he would try it at home. He’s been taking bites without gagging for ages and he’s been feeding himself pudding for a couple of weeks there as well. But for whatever reason, at home he’s been very reluctant to do anything with soft textures in his mouth.
So when we sat down last night to do it, I was prepared for one of us to end up crying (usually it’s both of us-him because he’s miserable and me because I feel sooo bad for forcing him to do something he very obviously hates). And he just did it. We made a game out of it and he just did it. No tears, very happy, like nothing was ever wrong with eating.
It’s 5 bites and we still have a long road ahead of us, but 5 BITES!!! I am so dang happy.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Speaking of Simple Gifts
I love this kid....
Since his birthday, Toser has been asking for a rather expensive-in-my-eyes truck. He saw it in one of those evil inserts that comes with other toys and I can't find it locally. It was around $30 on Amazon for a couple of months; I put off getting it and the price jumped to $50 around Thanksgiving. Although I was wincing at the idea of paying $50 for a plastic truck (!), it is the only thing he has consistently wanted for months and he's not getting that much anyway.
My first mistake was waiting, my second mistake was letting Mr. A know the price. He very sternly suggested we look elsewhere. Actually, I think he said, "No way in hell are we spending that much on a toy truck for a 4 year-old," but you know, semantics. After I exhausted all my truck leads and couldn't find it any cheaper, I lied to Toser (Mr. A made me do it) and told him they don't make that truck anymore and Santa would like to know what else he wants. Toser took 2 seconds to think about it and promptly asked if I thought Santa could bring him a yo-yo instead. After I wiped myself off the floor and tried to shove my proud heart back in my chest, I told him," Of course Santa can bring you a yo-yo!"
Well, the joke's on me because guess what. Yo-yo's are considered by most stores to be a "seasonal" item. What season is yo-yo season, you ask. Summer. Why? I have no flippin' clue. I can order one online for $3 but I will have to pay $6 shipping (against my principles to pay more for shipping than the item costs). I found a trick yo-yo at a local toy store but those are $14 and have special trick string or something. I found a Yo-Yo Ball at Target and a very cheap plastic yo-yo somewhere else (and bought 2 of each because now Tater is saying Santa is bringing him a yo-yo, too). And Mr. A doesn't understand why those won't work!
Why?! Because when your child asks for a yo-yo and you are determined to keep Christmas simple for him, you will kill yourself to get him the perfect, regular yo-yo he deserves, that's why! Oh the irony. sigh So in addition to driving all over town in my quest, I also called many places and finally found a yo-yo I think will work.
Tomorrow, I will go get him the Harrison Bros. embossed, wooden yo-yo. Christmas morning, he will see the yo-yo and ask where his truck is (Wissa and Mimi got it for him; hopefully Toser won't remember or care about my lie). I will learn my lesson the hard way and next year tell Mr. A he can have a say when he does all the shopping (or shove it. Again, semantics). I just keep telling myself at least all of this isn't over a hamster.
My first mistake was waiting, my second mistake was letting Mr. A know the price. He very sternly suggested we look elsewhere. Actually, I think he said, "No way in hell are we spending that much on a toy truck for a 4 year-old," but you know, semantics. After I exhausted all my truck leads and couldn't find it any cheaper, I lied to Toser (Mr. A made me do it) and told him they don't make that truck anymore and Santa would like to know what else he wants. Toser took 2 seconds to think about it and promptly asked if I thought Santa could bring him a yo-yo instead. After I wiped myself off the floor and tried to shove my proud heart back in my chest, I told him," Of course Santa can bring you a yo-yo!"
Well, the joke's on me because guess what. Yo-yo's are considered by most stores to be a "seasonal" item. What season is yo-yo season, you ask. Summer. Why? I have no flippin' clue. I can order one online for $3 but I will have to pay $6 shipping (against my principles to pay more for shipping than the item costs). I found a trick yo-yo at a local toy store but those are $14 and have special trick string or something. I found a Yo-Yo Ball at Target and a very cheap plastic yo-yo somewhere else (and bought 2 of each because now Tater is saying Santa is bringing him a yo-yo, too). And Mr. A doesn't understand why those won't work!
Why?! Because when your child asks for a yo-yo and you are determined to keep Christmas simple for him, you will kill yourself to get him the perfect, regular yo-yo he deserves, that's why! Oh the irony. sigh So in addition to driving all over town in my quest, I also called many places and finally found a yo-yo I think will work.
Tomorrow, I will go get him the Harrison Bros. embossed, wooden yo-yo. Christmas morning, he will see the yo-yo and ask where his truck is (Wissa and Mimi got it for him; hopefully Toser won't remember or care about my lie). I will learn my lesson the hard way and next year tell Mr. A he can have a say when he does all the shopping (or shove it. Again, semantics). I just keep telling myself at least all of this isn't over a hamster.
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