Perfect Control

I guess I'm more of a control freak than I thought. (Mr Awesome is nodding his head in agreement right now.) I like to think I'm pretty easy going but I'm realizing I just cannot give up control over somethings and one of those is the care of my son. I know I need help some days-nursing is great in that it lets me spend time with Toser while knowing Tater has someone with him and he isn't just hanging by himself all the time (which he is content to do and I have to make sure I don't take advantage of that too much). But it's nice to have control over our days and not have to explain my plans or why I want something done a different way on any given day. We had a week and a half with no nurses and I kind of liked it. I was worn out but I liked it.

I know most of you think this is crazy but we're thinking of letting our night nurse go. Tater isn't requiring as much care as he was when we first came home and we feel like we're having to find things for the night nurse to do. We really like our family time and want Nate to be downstairs with us as much as possible. Bedtime is crazy without the extra hand but it would be crazy if Tater didn't have the trach/vent combo. We want things to be as normal as possible and normal for us is not having someone waiting on us to finish dinner so their job can start or not going on a walk because Tater's bath needs to start at a certain time. Of course, it would be ideal if we could have her occasionally so Mr. Awesome and I could go on dates and such, but that's not possible so we'll sacrifice that for the greater good. (Do I sound ungrateful or what? It's just really hard for us to have someone in the house all the time-especially if we're both here and there isn't much to do in the first place.)

We'll keep our day nurse. It's still difficult for me to have someone here the hours she is but it's a better fit, all of us like her and she really is a big help. She doesn't mind Toser climbing into her lap to read books and she loves both the boys. Plus, she's Italian and is teaching them some Italian phrases. Win-win all around in my book.

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So the last few days have been perfect. Saturday we went to a local museum to see barnyard animals and to have a picnic. The weather was perfect, the boys were perfect-we had so much fun. Then some of my family came over Sunday for a picnic and that was great. And while yesterday started out kind of bleh for me, I rode my bike to a dear friend's house for a glass (or 2) of wine last night and the day started looking up. It was wonderful to sit and talk with a kindred spirit who I know is on her way to being a BFF of mine (love you Bek! I will be very mad if you don't do those t-shirts). And to finish a great evening, while I was riding my bike home the weather cooled off, the wind was blowing, the moon was rising- it was a gorgeous ride. When I rolled into the driveway I realized LBird and her daughter were here. Yay. I love LBird to death and while I tease her way more than I should, she still comes around. She's one of my best friends in the whole world and I'm lucky to have her in my life. She's really hating that I'm calling her out right now but that's one reason why I love her.

Hmmm? It seems the things I cannot control in any fashion are the things that are making me happy. I wonder what that means and if my thick head can handle that? Tater is healthy, Toser is happy, Mr. Awesome and I only want to kill each other occasionally. Life is pretty darn good right now.